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The Art of Ethical Public Play

Public Play is one of those things that can go from ethical and fun to unethical and really gross quickly. Most members of the Kink Community probably remember the controversy of the two people that went into a grocery store in BDSM outfits/Gear and the sub was being led around on a leash. That’s not cool, consent is key and that crosses that boundary in a major way to the public.

“Sex in social mammals is generally carried out in public, before the gazes of other members of the troop.” ― Jimmy Tudeski, Hollywood Girlfriend

So let’s begin with explaining that you should always have these parameters in place.:

  1. It is discreet

  2. It is safe

  3. It is legal

  4. It’s not causing harm (physical or emotional) to anyone in the vicinity.

You’re probably all anticipating the best toys to use and such, while that’s a part of it, Public Play is more than just a pair of vibrating panties with a remote.

Let’s start with some of the lesser known or thought about ways to play.

Non-Verbal Communication

Imagine you’re being a bad sub and knocking things down and bratting out just because. You look at your Dom with a devilish grin and all they do is wipe the side of their nose. To the lady next to you cleaning up, it means not a thing. To you, it means that you’ve earned the paddle when you get home. The non-verbal cues and signals can go a long way in a dynamic when you’re bringing that dynamic to the public realm. You both can have signals to say what you need to without saying a thing. Wiping your left eye means you’re ready to go home. Pulling your right earlobe means turn my toy on.

The signals can mean whatever you and your partner have decided.

You can take this a little farther and add sexting while in public. Dropping dirty snapchats while you’re on a video call. Sending filthy descriptions of how you want your sir to eat your pussy until you flood their face. Telling your Mistress that she can use that new cane she’s been waiting on you to be ready for. The main point is the give and take of it all.

Playing in public is so much more than the newest vibrator. It’s about keeping that power exchange going even if you’re surrounded by people. You’ve probably participated in public play in some way.

Moving up a notch on the discretion scale let’s talk about:

Verbal Communication

Just beyond the non-verbal things you can do in public, are the discreet verbal cues you can have with your partner.

I am only discussing discreet ways to play. I am personally not a fan of kink and dynamics being put in places they don’t belong.

Verbally, you can always use honorifics. My partner calls me Mister everywhere we go. It doesn’t matter where we may be, live streams, grocery stores or even at a friend’s house. With that said, be smart about the honorifics you use while in public. Sir, Ma’am, Mister, Mistress, etc. Those to me are acceptable and most won’t bat an eye over any of those. What does cross the line is when you call your sub your “Little Cum Slut” while you’re out at Target in a crowded aisle.  There are extremes that the public doesn’t consent to. 

Now keep in mind, I’m not talking about events that are lifestyle centered. If you go to a leather show and want to parade your sub in their leather gear, that’s acceptable. Depending on the event of course.

This is more for everyday things or Munches that are in regular establishments.

I’m only giving you examples here. I know there are more and I hope that when the article hits the page and social media pages, you add more that the community can use. These are no way the only ways to play.

Those are the more discreet ways to keep your dynamic going in public.

Let’s move on to the next level of the scale.


Public Play Clothes

I don’t ever think it’s acceptable to go out in full leather gear, unless it’s a lifestyle event. I will repeat that a lot. Think what you wouldn’t look at with a second glance when in public.

Clothing and gear can also be discreet. Here’s a few quick examples:

  1. A full dress with shibari rope harnesses up the legs and body.

  2. A simple choker style collar

  3. A bracelet that locks

  4. A day collar

  5. Side note: A day collar often looks like a necklace to the general public. The difference is the small locking clasp on the back. It must be unlocked to be put on or taken off.

  6. Chastity Devices

See now the next time you see that cute girl stocking the groceries, you might stop and wonder, is she a submissive with her choker as a symbol or is she just making cute fashion choices?

What are some of your discreet ways to wear your gear?


Day Collar

Collars can be worn just about anywhere. Keep in mind we are going for discretion to keep it ethical. A Full Dog Collar with a tag that says “Master’s Whore” isn’t exactly discreet. A thin leather collar that matches your outfit is perfectly fine. A day collar is even better. It’s often used as the other collar in a dynamic. There are typically two types of collars:

  1. Play Collars – These are usually only brought out for a scene

  2. Permanent Collars – These are usually used at all times in some form. The Day collar may be used for when you’re in public, but there is a separate play collar. The collar could be featured as a permanent fixture like the metal ring collars you often see. The dynamic determines how these things work.

Now let’s get to the parts you wanted to hear about the most


WeVibe Chorus

Toys are the first thing that comes to mind when it comes to playing in public. I love playing with toys in public. These can be tons of fun especially if you don’t have a Kink dynamic but like to be adventurous, but, I hate to break it to you, you’re a bit of an exhibitionist and that makes you part of this community. Welcome and we love you.

The most common thing people know about using toys in public is the lush or wevibe. They have some that aren’t app enabled but do have a wireless remote and I think that can be a good place to start. Most of these are very discreet and make very little noise when in use. The wevibe, lovense, and lush companies have made an amazing toy though. They have one that I love called the chorus. It goes inside to hit the G-Spot and The Clit (Yes Gentlemen, Both exist and are essential.)

Using these toys in public is a blast. Your submissive is asking someone a question? See if they can keep their composure. Let them know that you can make them collapse at any moment. Watch their face get flush as you bring them to the edge of an orgasm and then turn it off.

The vibrators extend to butt plugs too. They make an amazing tail that vibrates and I will let you know that it’s so powerful that the vibration is audible from inside. Combine these and you can make your partner fold like a lawn chair in a hurricane.

I should have probably put these in the clothing and gear but I’m being lazy. Cock rings and chastity devices are tools of the trade as well. Imagine putting your partner in a cock cage and taking them to a strip club. Now you get to make the night fun and try your best to turn them on and make that cage tighter and tighter. You can read more about cock cages here

Now those are just the basic ways to play

Let’s discuss the most important things about public play. The dont’s of public play.

There are a few things that I think are absolutely inappropriate, but these are just my opinions.

  1. Wearing a butt plug tail with a skirt on.

  2. Wearing leather gear

  3. Pet play in public

  4. Anything that you wouldn’t be comfortable with a child seeing

  5. Pushing the line of abuse and kink.

I want to rant more about this but at this point I’m tired. I will be posting an edit to this article that will go more into the dont’s and controversial aspects. I wanted you all to know the things that would be ok to try and the ways you can do it in an ethical way.

I’ll be back with more soon

Until then let me know some more ideas you have on how to play in public ethically in the comments below or on the facebook post when the article drops.



#Kink #NSFW #BDSM #Education #LearnHow

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