Today we’re going to have an intro to subspace. The most beautiful and possibly the most dangerous mental state of BDSM. Some of you have experience with this feeling and state of mind, some of you may have but don’t know it.
The state of subspace is essentially an overload of the hormones your body is releasing at once. The body when it reaches subspace is dealing with a blend of fight or flight and dopamine. This combination can be scary for a Dominant if they are new to it, or to a submissive when they come down.
Subspace is a natural high that you can’t find in too many situations. Let’s cover exactly what it is, what your body is doing, and how to manage it properly as a Dominant.
I’ve said many times that a Dominant should understand that being in this role bears a lot of responsibility. A Dominant must be willing to push themselves and their sub, provide SSC BDSM scenes, and be a proper caregiver. All of those things, and much more, must be done while keeping the submissive, or whatever role your partner is in, in the right space mentally and being aware of the subspace happening and what they must do to keep it SSC.
There are levels of subspace and each one can be during a scene or leading up to it.
Top Space is the rare moment where the submissive is in the Dominant role. This is rarely sexual. It’s more in the day to day moments where the submissive has to have control of their life. Getting business meetings together, getting lunch made for the kids and getting them on the bus to school, things like that. This is where the submissive has control of their life and will out dominate anyone who tries to interfere. A lioness with her cubs or on a hunt essentially.
There is a moment in the day that the power dynamic will change to revert away from the Top Space. I don’t have a name for it, but, let’s call it pre subspace. As a submissive, has your Dominant ever made you stop speaking by a touch (sexual or not)? Or by speaking in the Dominant voice (the Dad voice as Princess calls it)? Your brain associates those things as a precursor to going to subspace. Think of a dog seeing its owner grabbing the car keys or the leash.
This moment makes the brain push out a sudden burst of dopamine and other endorphins. Dopamine is the chemical that creates a euphoric feeling and opens up the nerves to send out and receive stimulation. This is part of the equation of subspace. Dopamine is the messenger chemical for your pleasure and pain.
Flash forward to the scene, things are going perfectly, your getting orgasms on repeat, your getting spanked, restrained, and put in your place you dirty little slut. Your body is feeling some fantastic things. What you don’t realize is that because you’re feeling impacts or being restrained, your body is trying to use the fight or flight reflex to accommodate what is happening or may about to happen to you.
Here comes the adrenaline, coursing through your body and creating an anxious feeling. The anxiety may be subconscious or you may feel it happening. If you’re still feeling it happen to you, you’re not in subspace yet. You’re getting closer though. Dom(me)s: at this point things will still feel normal, your sub will be responsive and able to use safe words with you. They can still be bratty, they can still stay in the scene.
Then suddenly your brain has an orgasm. It gets confused by the rush of fight or flight, dopamine, and the stimulation happening to the body. They all meet at once and instead of reacting and fixing what you’re experiencing, it just stops responding. You’re still going to be feeling good feelings and all of the things happening for a few moments as subspace takes over.
As the subspace takes over, you’re not going to feel the impacts and sensations. Your brain has entered a catatonic state. The body is ignoring the pain and pleasure and you’re just in a mental void. There are no words, no responses to the things happening, you’re just existing. You have overloaded your brain with chemicals and it doesn’t know what to do. It’s like a self induced state of shock without the trauma.
Dom(me)s: This is the point you have to be paying extra attention to every single thing you’re doing. Your sub is no longer able to say safe words, jerk away when something hurts, respond to let you know that something could be wrong. It is your responsibility to know what you can and can’t do, how hard or soft you need to strike certain places, and understand that you’re in complete control of your subs fate. The boundaries and limits you’ve established are still there and subspace does not give you permission to violate those.
Playing while your submissive has entered subspace becomes way more intense for the sub and the Dom(me). As a Dominant, you’ve become the only connection to reality they have. Only you can end the scene essentially and it’s important that you’re paying attention to when you should call it off. How far your sub wants to go after subspace and dissociation takes over should be discussed before ever playing
As a submissive, this is where you don’t have a choice but to have complete trust in your Dom(me). Subspace can be scary the first few times you go through it. Let me rephrase that, it can be scary until you come down. It’s like a roller coaster, you’re scared and have zero control, and then as soon as the coaster stops, or slows down to end, you feel that rush of how much fun that was and you’re ready to do it again.
When the Dominant ends the scene, that’s when things get a little crazier. The drop is the hardest part for most people. It’s when reality comes back all at once for all parties involved. The submissive can feel a rush of emotions, start crying, feel like they have time traveled, feel so many things at once they can’t process what’s happening. The Dom(me) must get themselves prepared for Aftercare and be prepared to handle the things that are coming.
Dom(me)s have an important role here, you are still the anchor to reality for your submissive. It’s your place now to provide aftercare and bring them back to a state of mind that let’s them come back to a normal state and enjoy what has happened. I will be pushing an Aftercare article after this one so we can talk about it in detail to cover the ins and outs of Aftercare.
This is where trusting your Dom(me) has paid off, you’re getting the exact aftercare you need, and you are safe and sound. Nothing is better than coming down from that space and feeling like you’re going to be ok. Even experienced subs can still be deeply affected by the subdrop. The enjoyment of coming down is enjoyed by subs far more than the actual events of a scene. Dom(me)s get to enjoy themselves and take the boost mentally, knowing that you are the reason that happened. You are the reason they feel more euphoric they can make themselves feel.
Orgasms are nice, but subspace can’t be compared to that. Subspace is the greatest and most impactful feeling you can have when it comes to sex and scenes. You can achieve subspace in vanilla sex but it’s very difficult. The combination of pain, pleasure, fear, and excitement have to come together and create the perfect formula to overload the brain.
There are tons of ways to get that formula and no combination is guaranteed to bring subspace every time. The body adapts to what’s happening and that is where pushing your sub’s limits comes into play. So Dom(me)s when you’re getting into the subspace playground, make sure that you’re not doing damage to the body, when you’re helping your sub come down from subspace, make sure you’re not doing damage to the mind.
One last thing NEVER leave your sub alone in a scene and especially when they hit subspace, bad things can happen. There are ways to simulate leaving your sub alone and we will cover that in depth with sensory deprivation.
Until Next Time Peace Out sub Scouts